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Wedding vows are a once in a lifetime promise to your partner as you create a unique bond as a couple. What ever type of wedding you are having whether it is a particular religious ceremony or a non-denominational service, may control how much you can change the vows as some religions are very strict, but many have a little leeway.
If you are having a secular wedding the officiant will be able to help you a little but there are things you need to decide together as a couple as to what form the vows will take. One thing that has been removed by certain brides with the growth of equality is the vow to obey with the traditional love honor and obey commonly being changed for love, cherish and respect.
All vows used to start in the same way with the priest or officiant asking each of the couple in turn “do (will) you (name) take thee (name) to be your lawful married wife/husband?” to which you each reply in turn “I do(will)” There are now many versions of this where wife/husband can be changed to life partner in true love, friend, lover and/or, mother/father of my children. This alone gives much food for thought about the relationship the couple have and what they want and expect from each other.
The traditional vows go on to say “do you promise to love and cherish [her/him], in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her/him, for so long as you both shall live?” Some couples find this old fashioned and some change this part to include something along the lines of ‘I will cherish our bond and love you more every day. I will trust and respect you and love you faithfully through whatever life brings us, good or bad. I give you my love and my heart from this day forward until death parts us’. Another way to say this may be “I vow to respect you in failure and success as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths. I will help you when you need help and I will come to you when I need help. I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both do live”.
After your individual vows there is then a part where the officiant asks “do/will you together promise in the presence of your friends and family that you will conduct yourselves towards one another as befits husband and wife, to which the couple respond together “we do/will”. This piece can be changed if the couple decide to make the vows to each other without being asked by the efficient in this case each would say something along theses lines “I (name) do promise in the sight of friends and family to take you (name)” This can then be their own words in which you promise to love , cherish, respect, honor, obey, protect and care for each other, in sickness or health, richer or poorer, being faithful to each other for as long as you both are alive.
You can make your vows as long or short as you wish these three sections give you a rough outline of what it expected but the love you share will be well represented by the words you use if they come from the heart.
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